If I could turn back time.............

Not 100% sure I would, but there are moments when I definitely would rewind and then fast forward back to the present again.  This picture is one of those times I would go back to.  

Not sure if it is the kids, the time, the day or what, but I just remember it being the 6 of us, going to take our annual fall pictures and nothing else really mattered that day.  It is so weird to me to look at that picture and see those kids all grown up and on their own.  I miss the days of the 6 of us.  


But there are many blessings I have in the present that I wouldn't trade to go back..........permanently anyway.  I love the two new kids added to the family, I adore the 5 grand kids I have and can't wait for more.  I have loved getting to know Andrew's girlfriend and am excited to take her with us to his boot camp graduation at the end of the month.  So there are tons of blessings am thankful for each and everyday.  


I guess I just find myself more and more reflective and melancholy these days.  As the last 2 move on with their lives, I find myself wondering what now.  When did I get my pink slip on being a mom. I mean yeah, you know it's always going to end up the way it does.  Kids grow up and move on with their lives, and let's be honest there are days you REALLY can't wait for that to happen.  You think you are prepared for it, and when the time finally comes, well, you feel like you were punched in the gut and something so precious and so important was ripped away from you that you it takes your breath away.


I remember Drew falling backwards one day when he was wearing his Heely shoes.  His feet went out from under him and he fell on his back.  He landed so hard, that it knocked the wind out of him.  All we could do was stand by him and tell him to relax and breathe.  To not freak out because his breath would come back. The fear in his eyes while he waited for air and then the peace that filled them once he was able to breath again was intense.  But there is a life lesson in there..........when life comes and knocks the wind out of you.............rest in the peace that breath will be brought back in and you can get up, dust yourself off and move forward on the course of your journey.


And that is where I rest in the man who has stood by me for the last 30 years, encouraging me to relax and breathe........Those are the moments that I trust him the most.  Those are the moments when I am not so quick to want to turn back time........but want to spend time in the present and really look forward to our future.